Teenagers are fucking annoying

Emo

Don’t look at me

I’ve been waiting for a while to be old enough to bitch about teenagers. At 22, I’m still no where near the prerequisite age in which I can reasonably say Damn Kids! but I’ll do my very best.

Hanging at the shops and not buying anything

I get it: you can’t bring all your friends back to mommy’s house. My friends and I had a solution to this problem. We took our cheap alcohol and cigarettes to isolated parks, lookouts and underground tunnels–you know, outside. It was here we wouldn’t draw unnecessary attention to ourselves.

When we started to get older, we met people that happened to have parents that could accommodate a few extra guests–because we were outside, meeting new people. Meanwhile, everyone else is still sitting outside the shops because they’re uncreative and lazy. Finally, most of us got cars, jobs and moved out of home.

Moving to the big city, fucking it up, and moving back home

My theory of why teenagers hang outside shops is reasonably simple: when we’re children, our parents eventually take us into town. It’s an amazing place full of stimuli. Finally, we’re old enough to go into town on our own and with the same childish thought processes, wish to be a part of the hustle like the adults.

Suddenly, you’re sitting inside McDonald’s without enough money to buy a cheeseburger, so you keep refilling your friend’s cup for free. This is the teens’ way of convincing themselves they’re mature and in fact a part of society like the adults. If the adults are in town, the teen can become an adult by being in town.

Moving to the big city is an expansion of this juvenile thought process. Sooner or later, the dumbass teen realises that they miss their old life and moves back home at daddy’s expense. I know a lot of people that repeat this pattern every couple of months.

Calling each other immature

You can learn everything you need to know about what’s important to someone by the insults they use. For example, I call you a dumbass, chances are high that intelligence is important to me.

When a teen calls another teen immature… I don’t need to explain this.

Live in the present

Teens share platitudes like herpes. The number of teens that consider “living in the present” to be a ground breaking notion is staggering. I cannot think of worse advice than Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now.

Most of you will be familiar with the trite wisdom shared around Facebook in the form of images with exaggerated font. I reactivated my Facebook and the fourth image read: Love, Live, Laugh. I genuinely considered suicide.

Living in the present is the same mentality criminals, addicts and those that get into financial debt live by. It’s the mentality of losers.

I don’t give a fuck

This is a statement that comes from every teens’ mouth sooner or later. Most teens even have it permanently on their profile. The first profile on my Facebook’s newsfeed reads:

im 16 and i love all of my girlies. sometimes i can be pretty random which you’ll learn if you get to know me ;) but i can also be a real bitch. i tell things as they are and i dont give a fuck.

Every teen that claims “not to give a fuck” gives more of a fuck than anyone. Openly needing to convince someone of any one thing is pure insecurity. If someone is apathetic, they wouldn’t care enough to inform their friends of how apathetic they are.

This is my top five. I could write a book about every little thing teenagers do that piss me off, but I’m way too mature for that. Like I don’t even care. People are idiots. K. Gonna liv my lif now, hey.

35 thoughts on “Teenagers are fucking annoying

  1. I never got teenagers, even when I was one. In fact, when I was one, I was constantly asking myself “WHY AM I LIKE THIS??” My aunt once told me that the brain physically changes during adolescence in such a way that is makes teens more selfish, which is why one year they’re total dickheads and the next they’re like “I can’t believe I was such a total dickhead, sorry everyone.”
    Unfortunately, sometimes the brain doesn’t seem to change back.

    • Teens also focus on the rewards of a gamble rather than negative consequences in assessing risk. I remember as a teen I used to jump off this massive cliff, over jagged rocks, and into a flooded quarry.

      The quarry had documented deaths from teens doing just that but still I jumped from higher and higher rocks, even doing back flips. Went back there a few years ago and was terrified to jump off the lowest ledge :D

        • I dunno, I was pretty much a scaredy-cat as a teenager. Even when I did take stupid risks, it was usually for friends’ approval, and I was terrified anyway and regretted it afterwards. I think I’ve become more of a risk-taker now I’m an adult (that’s not saying much though).

        • I honestly couldn’t believe that this generic old-wivesy stuff turned out to be true. My mum always used to point it out to me when I’d do something reckless, not that I listened. Shark-infested water? Damn that’s some scary stuff!

    • meet me at tha sk8park and ill fite u. u insult my mum, last thing ull eva do, wanna be. me my crew gonna kick ya head in, bruzz! mess with the best. die like the rest.

      • What the swag did you just fucking yolo about me, you little wayne? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the SwagFags, and I’ve been involved in numerous Obey Records , and I have over 300 confirmed Swaggers. I am trained in wearing snapbacks and I’m the top poser in the entire Swagfag Army. You are nothing to me but just another No swag. I will swag you the fuck out with swagger the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking hashtags. You think you can get away with not taking pictures in the mirror over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my mom, she has alot of swag, and your ratchet ass is being traced right now so you better prepare for the yolo, nikka. The yolo that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your swag. You’re fucking dead, nikka. I can swag anywhere, anytime, and I can swag in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my baggy skinny jeans. Not only am I extensively trained in having plugs and snake bites, but I have access to the entire Hollister store. and I will use it to its full swaggness to wipe your miserable swag off the face of tumblr, you little Non trend follower. I will swag yolo all over you and you will swag in it. You’re fucking dead, nikka.

  2. here here! At twenty two I think we’ve earned at least a small right to hate and dissect the stupidity of teachers. I especially liked “I don’t give a fuck” example. Don’t forget about “YOLO” though. :eye roll:

  3. I am now old enough (24) to rag on teenagers and I do so every chance I get. Boy do they drive me nuts! And indeed, the whole “YOLO” crap just makes me want to stab them in the eyes.

    • Agreed. I just want cute toddlers when I become a parent–forever. My partner and I are considering becoming foster parents and they luckily only put people of our age with those 6 years and under.

      • Some kids can be lovable up to their teens. Our youngest is just turned thirteen and she is still what I call a thoroughly good kid. Others though start to cause problems in preschool. We have one of those too. Safest to stick with toddlers. They should come with an opt out clause, renewable every birthday.

          • They all turn into adults, that’s for sure, and if you dissect most adults you know, how many are what you’d describe as likeable? Or even mature? If we’re honest, we really want replicas of ourselves, who like the same things we like. Even then, you and your partner will have different opinions. I get on fine with our third who is bone idle, but we share a lot of the same likes. His father though can’t stand his idleness and wishes he was more active and ‘manly’. You can’t please everybody :)

  4. Teenagers also have fucking terrible taste in just about everything that matters. Their music fucking sucks. They listen to shitty metal that tries too hard to assert how frustrated the singer is with society, himself, and other people. Emo music is just as shitty. It expresses the definition of being a teenager: being a whiny dickhead who perceives themselves as special and somehow unfairly wronged by the cards of fate despite the fact that basically everyone went through the same shit. To describe this notional music in another way: if it were an animal it would be a duck wearing dark makeup and screaming. It’s intention is to be as overtly edgy as possible and because of this blatant intention, it’s simultaneously the most cringe inducing shit in the auditory spectrum.

    When I hear teenagers listening to this kind of shit I don’t think they’re dark, confident, and interesting. I think they’re deeply insecure people having trouble adjusting to the demands of becoming an adult. It’s embarrassing to look at, truly it is. And the thing is, they know very little of actual good music out there because of a lack of experience. I look back on what I used to enjoy listening to when I was younger and it all sounds fucking terrible. All the music is still the same. Just my taste has changed. What about the books these cunts read? Fucking dreadful, though less of a problem considering teenagers don’t read. Their films are also shitty and largely reflect their desire to appear hardcore. Saw is a shitty film. So is “The Hangover.” Likewise, “Harold and Kumar go to white castle” isn’t the classic you think it is.

    God damn teenagers. You have horrible taste and you don’t know the first thing about anything. Get the fuck off my lawn.

    • hahaha I absolutely loved this rant. Just about sums up the rage I feel every time I look at a kid with a straight cheaply dyed fringe, complete with some shitty band T.

      Not to mention the tattoos. The pretentious, fucking meaningless, trite massacres of the English language–carved with some over-the-top, attention drawing font that just screams, “LOOK AT MY WISDOM!”

      But it’s not wisdom. It’s usually some obnoxious line produced by a generic band that won’t be remembered 10 years from now.

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